Moving to China for Love: A French-Chinese Wedding
Krys met her Chinese husband (who she's called Panda for this article) 5 and half years ago. Panda was doing an internship in Marseille, which is her hometown in the south of France.
She shares more about how they fell in love, why she followed him to China, and what their traditional Shanxi wedding was like.
Outside the hotel in France where they first met, 3 years later
Panda and I first met because we were both working in the same hotel in Marseille, me as an employee and him as a trainee.
When another work colleague first introduced him to me, it felt a bit like a TV drama. At first I didn't see his face, as he was sitting and writing. But then to say hello to me, he put his things on the chair, stood up, and finally lifted his face. It was love at first sight for us both!
We didn't do anything, however, because we were both in other relationships. More so, I didn't dare try to, because I knew he would go back to China and that I would have been heartbroken.
Krys' and Panda's very first picture together
Eventually we both split from our other relationships, and then the Paris attacks happened and we realized how deeply in love we were.
He wasn't in Paris during the attacks, but I was. I told him afterwards that I was in a bar during the attacks, and the bar owner told us to go outside instead of keeping us safe inside.
Panda told me the night of the attacks changed everything, and he decided to visit me in Paris the next Friday, even though his parents didn't want him to go because they were scared.
He told me, “the day I tell you I love you will be the day we will be together.” And that happened on November 20th, 2015 when I was looking at the Christmas decorations of a famous store in Paris.
So I decided to follow him to China, where we stayed for 2 and half years. We were engaged and married in Shanxi, China, my husband's hometown. I fell in love with him, but I also fell in love with China which gave me a passion in life that I share with my blog and social media.
The first time Krys visited Panda in Beijing
Meeting the Parents
My husband's family are really open-minded. The first day I met them they were so nice to me and I bonded with them very quickly, even though I didn't speak any Chinese at that time. They have always considered me as a part of their family and we have a beautiful relationship.
In Sanya, where Panda proposed to Krys
The Wedding Day
I had a traditional Shanxi ceremony and a Han ceremony. First of all, the groom comes to the bride's house (I was in a hotel) to bring her to his house.
There are lots of games to test the groom and his love. In Shanxi, the tradition is that the groom needs to search for the shoes of the bride and a bowl and chopsticks so she can leave. My shoes were in the minibar - I was so frozen 🤣.
Then he needs to carry his bride on his back all the way to his home without making her put a foot on the ground. She can only touch the floor when she arrives in her new house.
Our parents are both divorced so we didn't have the tea ceremony, but we still bowed to them. Then the Han ceremony was marvellous. We could only do the rehearsal in one afternoon because I was sick.
We did a few more traditions: the groom offers two mandarin ducks to show that he will love the bride forever. Then we eat a piece of meat, drink from the same "glass", offer a lucky charm to each other, and then the groom puts a bow on the bride's hair, as hair was very important in Han dynasty. If you want to make an even bigger love gesture, you can even cut some of your hair to give to your lover. Then we bow to our family again.
I wasn't too surprised by anything because everything was a very "soft" version of the real traditions. Also my Chinese was so bad at that time that I couldn't understand anything and was going with the flow.
But I felt very touched when we bowed to our parents. We bowed 3 times: one for Heaven, one for Earth, and one for parents which are like gods.
In Western countries this bow may not be received very well, and seen as a gesture of submission and shameful. But for me, it was very emotional. I cried because I realized all my parents had done for me since I was born - all the love and the opportunities they gave me. I will never be able to give them back enough. Though bowing is not enough to repay them, it is still a special moment. It was very emotional.
For the cermony, I was up at 4am to eat breakfast and then the make up artist arrived at 5am. My husband came at 9am and the ceremony finished at 14pm. A whole morning, but it went so fast!
We just celebrated our 5-year wedding anniversary. We got married very fast (in less than a year) but real love doesn't have to wait. We are really different because of how we were raised, but our love is so strong. We also want to learn from each other so much. Sometimes I say that we are 天生一对 (“born a couple).”
Cultural Difficulties
I was so happy to move with him to China because I've always wanted to live in Asia and wanted to be with him, but I must confess it was hard. When we first went to Beijing, I was very dependent on him. I was scared of even cooking food on my own. I had no friends, couldn't speak Chinese, and most of my work colleagues couldn't speak English. And for those who were speaking English, they were mean except 4 of them.
When I came back from my engagement holiday, my manager told me I made the greatest mistake in my life and other colleagues were jealous because they were thinking I was earning more than them (which wasn't the case). Another one told me the diamond on my ring wasn't big enough. I felt very lonely, and so that's why we decided to move to Shanghai.
Communication in Different Languages
We primarily communicate in French, because he is fluent in French. Now that I want to study Chinese, we are trying to speak as much Chinese as possible. And when we are talking about something serious or arguing, it's in English!
Celebrating their 民政局 wedding in Seoul
Advice for Dating Interculturally
Intercultural relationships are not that easy. It's a fantasy for some because it is a beautiful kind of relationship. But it's also challenging. Things you wouldn't accept with somebody who shares the same nationality with you, you will need to think twice about in this relationship because you aren't raised the with the same ideas...
But I think it’s an amazing relationship, because it opens your mind and makes you think a different way. It helps you become more comprehensive and patient, and lets you discover a culture. You're learning and discovering every day!
It's not an easy relationship, but the path is beautiful and makes you a better person. It can be hard sometimes but don't let go. You will never regret it.
Read more about Krys and Panda:
You can follow me on my blog : https://uneoccidentaleenchine.org. It's primarily in French, but you can change the language ;). I talk about traveling and culture in China, but also discuss intercultural relationships and weddings in China. My Instagram also has cultural posts and daily pictures. (@uneoccidentaleenchine)
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